A comic take on APPLE, AT&T and FCC issue!

by Rohit on August 22, 2009

Apple: Hi there!!! I am APPLE. Offlate people know me as the bad ass who rejects a plethora of apps from the red hot App Store. I am enjoying the fame. Like they say “Any publicity is good publicity” Anyways Wazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzuuuuuuuuuuuuuppppp!!! Sorry just had some budweiser!

Rohit:  I am doing fine. Thank you. Don’t you think by rejecting apps for ridiculous reasons you are taking the mick outta developers and consumers?

Apple:  Yeah!! But who gives a damn. I am APPLE ” It’s either my way or the highway”.

Rohit:   Sure, with an attitude like that I feel it’s jst one way. A highway to HELL! Heard FCC has already put you in a spot of bother?

Apple:  Yes mate. I feel down in the dumps right now. I always knew that taking individual developers on a ride is a mean feat but apparently I messed my own ride by goofing around with the mighty Google.

Rohit: Yeah you should have seen that one coming. Afterall Google aint some teenie weenie player neither is it Microsoft. Well it’s huge and  still people love it and go outta their way to defend it!

Apple: For some weird reason I remained oblivious to this fact but after FCC stepped in, I was so furious that I fired my otherwise good friend Eric.

Rohit: Seems like your emotions took over. Is that true?

Apple: Wow how did you figure that out. Is it that obvious? It’s true though that I was growing insecure with every passing day. The android, chrome and now chrome OS. I mean enough is enough. The whole FCC and google voice stuff was just an excuse to get rid of him.

Rohit: After Eric was outta your way(or rather sight), how did you decide to deal with the questions that FCC had fired at you?

Apple: Oh my friend AT&T and I, hit the damn road. We had booked “the Hangover package” at Caesars palace. Can you believe this.. It just cost us 120$.

Rohit: Wow thats brilliant. I bet you guys must have brought the roof down.

Apple: Indeed! We folks had lotsa fun. The entire night we thought of ways by which we could make a mockery outta FCC’s questions and consumer sentiments.

Rohit: (Red in the face).. Alright carry on what plan did you hatch?

Apple: We were brainstorming and thanks to Schiller we came up with an excellent idea. During the discussion Schiller received a call and when he popped out his iPhone to receive the call, I noticed that he was using GVmobile downloaded off cydia. He had replaced the phone icon with GVmobile icon on home screen.This is when a thought struck me.

Rohit:  What was that??

Apple:  You see  it just dawned on me that this could be the perfect excuse. I have rejected many apps on the absurd basis that it replicates iPhone’s basic functions. So I saw an opportunity here. I could fool FCC by telling them that Google Voice replaced iPhone’s core mobile functionality. It replaced visual voice mail by routing calls through a seperate Google Voice Telephone. SMS text are messaged through the Google Hub. In addition all contacts are transferred to Google server. In a nutshell it would be just GOOGLE, GOOGLE and GOOGLE instead of iPhone. Amn’t I smart to come up with such a phenomenol excuse?

Rohit:  Dont you think that by giving this excuse  your consumers will feel that you are insulting their intelligence? What if they ask you how is it that you assumed that they would confuse GV functionality with native phone functionalities.

Apple: Like I said who gives a damn about consumers all I care about is my buddy AT&T and me.

Rohit: (AT&T hmmm die b***tch die) ..How do you intend to bail AT&T outta this?

Apple: Oh I will take the blame and let him get off scot free. All that my buddy AT&T has to say is that he aint involved in the app approval procedure and if possible divert FCC’s attention by talking about VOIP over 3G  and the plans to enable this feature in the future.

Rohit: (You insufferable maniac, barrel of monkey sp*nk BEEP BEEP BEEP.) Is this how you treat the folks who love you.

Apple: Whoa dont talk about love. The bottom line is my buddy AT&T and I have fabricated stuff to get ourselves off the hook. I dont wanna dig my own grave by telling FCC the truth. Dont you see my buddy AT&T is scared that he will get ripped apart by this google voice thingy and you already know my insecurity issues. Gosh Google always manages to send a chill down my spine. I need to rest if not all these thoughts will take a toll on my health and it will all reflect in my share prices.

Rohit: Alright bye (YOU SUCK).

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Mike August 22, 2009 at 4:05 pm

Hehe. Thats hillarious dude..

Rohit August 22, 2009 at 5:59 pm

Thanks Mike! am glad you liked it :)

Bilen August 22, 2009 at 10:26 pm

LMAO…its great…wonder wat Apple, AT&T and FCC think abt it…but on the serious side any offers from Broadway yet?? ;)

Rohit August 23, 2009 at 10:55 am

lolzz no I haven’t!..n I hope Apple realizes that it has touched the wrong nerve. However, unlike Arrington am not yet ready to give up on my iPhone!..

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